resolution of a lighter heart.

The 2000’s were a weird decade, hey? It’s strange to think I was in third grade when this ‘new millennium’ rolled up. I think my expectations were probably more along the lines of flying cars and robot assistants than 9/11, swine flu, twitter and facebook, but what are you gonna do? This last decade may not go down as an wonderful one, but it hasn’t been without it’s silver linings. However, I was too busy being an adolescent to see most of them, so all I can hope for is a clearer head with which to summarize these next ten years, come december 30th, 2019.

In the words of jamie tworkowski, “2010 has never happened before”. At this, my apprehension/nerves/worry about the next year faces gets tackled by the simple hope found in those words. To be honest, I’ve been stuck in one of those moments where you realize that things are going stupid-fast and the only thing not moving is you. Or something. I don’t know. It’s just been messy. And I’ve felt despair and dread creep in, even in regards to things that should bring me joy. The transparency that I’ve been straining towards has clashed with this new and large temptation to become reclusive and guarded and shut-off. But 2010 has never happened before, and my prayer is that it will be full of victory that’s never happened before either.

Strangely enough, after I head back to Kaleo tomorrow, I won’t be coming back to this house again. My family will be moving in about a month, so I’ve spent all night tonight going through boxes and throwing things out. One thing I found was a letter I had to write to myself back at the start of grade 10 for planning class, and I couldn’t read it all. While the large majority of the content could not be less relevant to me right now, the first two lines succinctly (and hearbreakingly) made clear that while for the most part it was a letter from a different person to a different person, there are some things that from that day never loosened their grip on me, and it wasn’t until this year that I really began to fight against footholds. I’m really hoping that 2010 will see me surrendering whatever I have to, tackling whatever I have to, to see victory in these things, to see the saint resurrected from within the wretch... To “forget and not slow down.”

“Peace be with you,”

Hope be with you.

Matthew.